“You hang on too long in a conversation in the hope you’ll find a connection, when there is no connection to be found.”
“Then you get in a friendship that you eventually realise doesn’t serve you but are too afraid to get out of it because it might result in confrontation.”
Ouch, the truth is often hard to swallow. (My Spiritual teacher delivers it from a place of compassion though and I can feel it’s not done with any intention to impress or bedazzle)
How does it feel when someone can sum up many of the ills of my life in 2 sentences?
I actually found it funny; perhaps laughter was the only response I was capable of! It was so simple and cut to the heart of it all.
It all comes back to one of the most simple of rules that I pay for dearly when I breach. The payment takes the form of lost time and energy, plus much angst.
The rule is simple; “My first impressions of someone are right.” No amount of analysing or synthesised open mindedness changes that.
If I look back on my life and all my first impressions of all the people I know, it’s been uncannily correct, often when I reach a point of being disappointed by people I can look back to the first meeting and recall that whatever behaviour turned out to annoy me was evident on some level in that first meeting.
Do I have a better intuitive ability to accurately judge people from a first impression? I actually believe that yes I do. Everyone has have talents and that is one of mine.
Sometimes though it’s not encouraged. “Be open minded”, “Make new friends”, “Network”, “don’t judge people.” All of which are virtuous ideas that are sometimes given too much value.
This little rule also makes some sense to me; “the first 3 minutes of meeting someone will indicate how the relationship will be.” In other words if someone takes no interest in you or doesn’t listen to you then the chances are that will be the predominant experience in the relationship. Again on review I can think of no experiences to the contrary.
Ultimately for me it doesn’t matter if everyone else thinks someone is wonderful or what position they hold, I’ve got to trust my gut feel about them whether there is intellectual or rational evidence or not.
What are your experiences with first impressions?
Been burnt for ignoring them?